A Morning in my Life as a Mother

  It's not easy being a mother to a teenage boy. It's definitely not easy being the mother to an African-American/Black/Negro (you pick what terminology you wish to use) living in the Urban city. Two years ago, I made the choice to take my son from the inner city of Baltimore, MD to (what I thought at the time) a quieter area of Wilmington,DE. Although, you can't run from crime and trouble, I believe you can put yourself in a better area and surround yourself with people who want and desire more.
  This morning, I made the decision to bring my son with me to work. No, it's not the Annual "Bring your Child to work day". My son is out of school for the day,no suspension....which is most often the case. Watching him leave from my vehicle to go to his Step-Dad's vehicle (he lives in a 2 parent home,StepDad or NOT!),My heart was aching. I know that it's easier for my heart to ache now than break later.
  I used to tell my oldest son, that I wish I could put him in my pocket,to keep him safe. Now, I find myself longing for the same thing for my youngest son. Every second, that he's not in my sight or hearing distance,my heart is pumping. I,even worry about him,when I know he's in school. yet, I have tried to allow him to make his own decisions and pick his own friends. I have to! Reality is: I can NOT keep him in my pocket.
 I've often wondered what it is like to be the mother of a son that doesn't have emotional disabilities. My youngest son is ADD and ODD which keeps me SAD! This means that it hinders his ability to learn in school. Another disaster,not of his making. I've finally got him into a school that serves "special needs". However, it is not academically on his level and the behaviors of the other children helps his "attitude" that is NOT a disability. Whew! So after calling and calling private schools to try and find one that will accept him,with his disabilities although I don't know how we (his StepDad & myself )will be able to afford it, I still am at a lost because there are none in DE, I am,yet AGAIN, arming myself to writing, calling and emailing school district and councilman for direction.
  This school year, my son was put on Focalin. Judge me NOT until you have driven the miles back & forth in my car! It has definitely been a help to him. Academically, he's been able to come up in his test scores and grades. The medicine helps his disability but can not help what may be in his heart. I know that although he loves and appreciatess his stepdad,he misses his father. His father made the choice to move across the country to Florida with his girlfriend and then after the relationship failed after six years,he picked up and moved to Milwaukee, WI. It may not be the distance that is affecting my son but the mere fact that he can go months without a phone call from his biologocal father. People realize that ANYONE can be a father but it's a man that can be a DAD! If you ask my son how he feels,he will respond in this hard shell that he has built, that it doesn't bother him.
 What can I do but keep praying and being the supportive,stricter Mom, that I am forcing myself to be. Call the police,call child welfare because I'm going to be strict on this 15 year old that I gave birth to! My hats off to the Moms that have raised society -worthy sons with emotional disabilities!!